Contagion

Tonight was the first time in my life that I'd set foot in a dollar theater.

After seeing a bunch of Virginia Beach people and missing the basketball game (a desicion that i'm still not sure was correctly made), i was informed that i would be going to see a movie tonight at the provo dollar theater or whatever the place is called. The choice was between Contagion and Cowboys and Aliens, so i pushed for Contagion because i'd already seen Cowboys and Aliens and could do without it. another desicion tonight that i am not sure of whether to regret. For the umpteenth time, we crammed 8 people into Jake's poor little Kia, which "took our friendship to a whole new level."

If "The Day After Tomorrow" is Al Gore's global warming horror movie, then Contagion is barack obama's H1N1 thriller. The panic that was the swine flu phenomenon is captured in Contagion, but this time there is an actual disease that kills people. In essence, this disease starts around the earth, infects lots of people, kills lots of people, then gets cured. spoiler alert. Everyone freaks out about the disease and there's the whole subliminal message throughout of the government being evil and using the disease to get more money. All in all, It's a great movie if you want to take a solid nap or if you are a doctor and are hoping that one day a pandemic like the one in Contagion will strike the earth so that you will have an unlimited number of clients. As a doctor, you'd be rich, but in this new-fangled world of sickness, the central government has collapsed and small green bills with pictures of famous americans on them have little or no value. All everyone wants in the not-too-distant-sickie-infested-future is to not be sick, not for their family to be sick, and jars of nutella. Lets face it. Nutella just makes freaking everything better.

Contagion is the only matt damon movie i've seen that doesn't involve matt damon beating the crud out of someone with a toilet paper roll (or something like that), making obscenely awesome phone calls, or a case of severe amnesia. That being said, i'm pretty sure the only Matt Damon movies i've seen are the Bourne ones. but still. Damon plays a guy who is immune to the disease. his wife and son die from it. With regards to the plot, he does almost nothing except grow a grubby 5 o'clock beard.

Jude Law also makes an appearance in Contagion.  He's a hipster blogger who runs a sort of wikileaks-style blog. cool story hansel. I'd pin him as a conspiracy theorist, and he's about as anti-government as the Ron Swanson. All i know that he is not Watson in this movie. pity.

the last actor i recognized was the dead lady from inception. I hope the film industry has come to grips with the fact that nobody cares about this woman and that all she did in inception was say that stupid riddle about the train, which actually becomes real fun to repeat to strangers in the elevator. Why does it not matter where the train will take you?

what could have made this movie better? quite a bit actually. I did like the soundtrack, but there were a lot of loose ends that weren't tied up. but you know what REALLY could have improved it?

WILL SMITH.

What does this man not make better? be it vampire-slayage, cyborg-ness, or alien annihilation, Will Smith can save a movie because he was a rapper before his acting career. In a similar sense, Justin Timberlake could do just about the same thing. I bet the Virus in Contagion wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in texas against Will Smith's cold, hard stare of pure attitude. Like if JT and Will smith made a movie together, i think the world would explode. My head is about to explode just thinking about it. Will smith brings the attitude, and JT can do everything else, singing and dancing included. it could be a hip-hop musical.

Contagion was almost like a documentary....disease, panic, vaccine is found. no espionage, matt damon didn't blow a house up with a toaster, and the scariest thing that happens is lots of close-up shots sick people touching public surfaces (doors, toilets, poles, park benches). I feel like Contagion is what they should show children in elementary school to get them to wash their hands. all it wanted to make me do was go touch people and become a close-talker. I mean, come on. If you had a highly infectious malignant disease, you'd want to share it with everyone in the world, right? As a side note, Contagion is probably the least hand-holding-friendly movie out on the market today. You pretty much will never want to touch anyone for a solid 5 minutes after the movie, then you cram everyone back in the Kia and drive back to campus.

Anyway, I'm glad I only spent a dollar on the movie, otherwise i would've been severely disappointed with my night. I really like dollar movies. They're cheap, and since i didn't pay very much to see it, i feel like i can talk as loudly as i want and say whatever i want. I've just become the worst moviegoer.

In other news, I have my apartment completely to myself this weekend. like a boss. I can do whatever I want. I'm going to use all the toilet paper. I'm going to have a rave in my kitchen. It's going to be live. All i Have to do this weekend is everyone else's dishes and let Caleb's friend sean in when he wants to play Halo. The parking lot is also fairly empty, so now is the time to stake out a parking spot for the rest of the semester. That'd make sense if i had a car. Anyhow, looking forward to thanksgiving, even though it may break my tradition of hitting subway on friday. but i'll trade a subway sandwich for a solid meal that'll keep me full for 48 hours.