I really hope my mother had no special plans for this jar of nutella that I found sitting on the counter. Hopefully it has no part in the enormous christmas dinner/party/get-together thing that she has planned for tonight, because I have helped myself to liberal amounts of it over the past half-hour. At 2 in the morning, nutella seems like it can go on just about anything, and often it does. I gave serious thought to smearing the magical chocolate butter on a reheated baked potato. reasoning? I like potatoes. I like nutella. BOOM. put them together and it will blow my mind. I'm still wondering why i settled for nutella toast as opposed to the nutella potato. one more thing to wonder about as i don't sleep.
It's christmas morning and i decided to get on my blog to tell the whole world that I AM THE FIRST ONE UP. I went to bed around 9 PM (which is the earliest i think i've been to bed since 7th grade), fell asleep, and then (without any assistance from a phone, alarm clock, etc.) woke up at 1:30 in the am. Gosh i love my complete lack of biological clock. So i come to the blog to gloat and prove to my youngest brother that i was most definitely the first one up this morning. My mother informed me that my christmas presents would have to be wrapped this year, not just shoved unceremoniously in plastic grocery bags because i was too lazy to wrap them like 6 years ago and she has still got her knickers in a knot about it, so i decided that there was no time like the present to do said task. pun wholly intended. I got downstairs and noticed my youngest brother (#4) sleeping on the couch. By the looks of it, Santa had already come, so i sprung into action. My original plan was to hide everyone's presents, get a small bucket of coal, and then pin a note in elvish saying "better luck next year, punk" on said bucket. Sadly, there was no bag of coal in the garage for me to pull resources from, so i just settled for hiding #4's stocking. hopefully he will be able to find it in the morning.
I'm going to blame my inability to sleep tonight on my current roommate. My older brother Josh just got home from his 2 year mission to Alaska, during which he adopted certain habits that i feel he wouldn't have in the normal course of events had he not been sent to alaska. (grammatically, i think that last phrase makes no sense). Earlier today we went to farm fresh, food lion, wal mart, and target to look for this special bread he ate in alaska that is loaded with like 5,000 different kinds of nuts. it's called "KILLER DAVE's" bread or something. any grocery store that doesn't stock it is "not worth shopping at." also he was very discriminate about the brand of jam we picked out to top our crepes for christmas eve dinner. apparently smuckers is too "processed" or something so he doesn't like it. tastes the same to me. I feel like i'm surrounded by hippies. Anyhow, the most noticeable of behavioral changes involves his sleeping with the window open because it gets too hot in our room. I like to think that the heat of the room pretty much tranquilizes me, but really now. all i'm saying is white boy (me) doesn't have an ounce of fat on him. i could freeze to death. I want to avoid that.
Being home for the holiday is pretty nice. I haven't woken up before 1 pm for about a week. i dig.
12/25/2011
12/18/2011
Weekend-ed
It's been a whirlwind weekend.
This is more writing stuff down so i don't forget it.
My first semester of college has come to its end. it's been wild, and i've done a whole bunch of crazy things, of which i regret almost none. the quick highlights include waterfall repelling, not recognizing people after taking them on a date, seeing the top-of-the-line jazz band Synthesis, losing every intramural basketball game my team played (we were called "The Flight of Kishkumen," or FOK. say it out loud), cramming too many people into jake's kia on multiple occasions, and my last night as a first-semester student at BYU, just to name a few. I could write a book.
The semester ended with a bang, to say the least. For the last week of my stay in utah, i decided that cooking for myself was overrated. I ate at subway more than once a week, bought myself a rotisserie chicken, a 6 pack of IBC root beer, then called it a week for food. champ status. It was pretty much the laziest week of my life to date, minus having to go take exams. Slept til noon every day, took my tests, then partied hard.
Thursday I took my last exam around 1. I think people have caught on to me sleeping way too much over exam week because no matter what time of day it was (be it 3 PM or even later) i'd greet everyone with a "good morning." I think that if there is still daylight visible, that's a viable greeting. the hours of 4AM to 11 AM pretty much were scrubbed out of my existence. so nice to be an unemployed college kid. Anyway, Jake, Andrew, and I decided to pull an all-nighter. I figured it's an earmark of the freshman year of college, right? So thursday was the designated day. We started by playing our final round of pickup basketball, then after a quick shower jake, sharissa, and I ran down to the ghetto to visit a couple VA beach friends that were in town. Then the night got interesting.
Being the fan that I am of the Sherlock Holmes movie, I'd decided to be super-hardcore and go see the midnight premier of the second one. Andrew decided to disappear 5 minutes before we left, and matt had been sick all week so he didn't come. The movie was the bomb diggity. Better than the first. Crazy ending, sweet action, and lots of slo-mo madness. After the movie, we all hit Ihop for breakfast. It was about 330 AM. What scared me was that there was this table of like 20 drunk people right behind us, and i realized that they were the 3AM Ihop crowd. what made it even worse was when i realized that I was now part of the 3AM Ihop crowd. disturbing. After i mercilessly consumed my french toast, we went back to campus. It was about 430 AM. I'd bought a red bull earlier that night (the real reason we went down to the ghetto earlier-you can't buy caffeinated stuff on campus) and thought i would need to consume it to get through the night, but it turned out that i didn't. plus i wanted to pull the all nighter without the influence of performance enhancing drugs. I never drink caffeine, let alone red bull (thursday was the first i'd bought in my life) so I decided against it that night. but we will watch an ordinary night become extraordinary when i consume said red bull, unless kevin purged it from the fridge.
After a short break in the action, Jake, Hannah, and I went up to Y mountain and hiked that sucker. like a boss. Got home around 7, and was on a bus to Salt lake by 8:30. Hit the airport at 11, flight at 1:30 to baltimore, flight at 9 to Norfolk. hit home around 10:15. saw my bro who's been in AK for 2 years, and crashed at about 2 AM local time. total time without sleep equals about 40 hours.
tonight i went and hung with all my buddies from high school. Nostalgia. It was good to have everyone back together and see what college has taught all of us. From mixology to tackling streakers, everyone has done well.
Now i have to figure out what to do with the rest of my break.
This is more writing stuff down so i don't forget it.
My first semester of college has come to its end. it's been wild, and i've done a whole bunch of crazy things, of which i regret almost none. the quick highlights include waterfall repelling, not recognizing people after taking them on a date, seeing the top-of-the-line jazz band Synthesis, losing every intramural basketball game my team played (we were called "The Flight of Kishkumen," or FOK. say it out loud), cramming too many people into jake's kia on multiple occasions, and my last night as a first-semester student at BYU, just to name a few. I could write a book.
The semester ended with a bang, to say the least. For the last week of my stay in utah, i decided that cooking for myself was overrated. I ate at subway more than once a week, bought myself a rotisserie chicken, a 6 pack of IBC root beer, then called it a week for food. champ status. It was pretty much the laziest week of my life to date, minus having to go take exams. Slept til noon every day, took my tests, then partied hard.
Thursday I took my last exam around 1. I think people have caught on to me sleeping way too much over exam week because no matter what time of day it was (be it 3 PM or even later) i'd greet everyone with a "good morning." I think that if there is still daylight visible, that's a viable greeting. the hours of 4AM to 11 AM pretty much were scrubbed out of my existence. so nice to be an unemployed college kid. Anyway, Jake, Andrew, and I decided to pull an all-nighter. I figured it's an earmark of the freshman year of college, right? So thursday was the designated day. We started by playing our final round of pickup basketball, then after a quick shower jake, sharissa, and I ran down to the ghetto to visit a couple VA beach friends that were in town. Then the night got interesting.
Being the fan that I am of the Sherlock Holmes movie, I'd decided to be super-hardcore and go see the midnight premier of the second one. Andrew decided to disappear 5 minutes before we left, and matt had been sick all week so he didn't come. The movie was the bomb diggity. Better than the first. Crazy ending, sweet action, and lots of slo-mo madness. After the movie, we all hit Ihop for breakfast. It was about 330 AM. What scared me was that there was this table of like 20 drunk people right behind us, and i realized that they were the 3AM Ihop crowd. what made it even worse was when i realized that I was now part of the 3AM Ihop crowd. disturbing. After i mercilessly consumed my french toast, we went back to campus. It was about 430 AM. I'd bought a red bull earlier that night (the real reason we went down to the ghetto earlier-you can't buy caffeinated stuff on campus) and thought i would need to consume it to get through the night, but it turned out that i didn't. plus i wanted to pull the all nighter without the influence of performance enhancing drugs. I never drink caffeine, let alone red bull (thursday was the first i'd bought in my life) so I decided against it that night. but we will watch an ordinary night become extraordinary when i consume said red bull, unless kevin purged it from the fridge.
After a short break in the action, Jake, Hannah, and I went up to Y mountain and hiked that sucker. like a boss. Got home around 7, and was on a bus to Salt lake by 8:30. Hit the airport at 11, flight at 1:30 to baltimore, flight at 9 to Norfolk. hit home around 10:15. saw my bro who's been in AK for 2 years, and crashed at about 2 AM local time. total time without sleep equals about 40 hours.
tonight i went and hung with all my buddies from high school. Nostalgia. It was good to have everyone back together and see what college has taught all of us. From mixology to tackling streakers, everyone has done well.
Now i have to figure out what to do with the rest of my break.
12/15/2011
Albums
4 albums i can listen to straight through, every time.
Once I start spinning one, I'm sucked in and dead to the world. This may contribute to my zombie-esque face whilst walking around campus. other factors may include not going to bed until 3 am on a regular basis and my general air of apathy that accompanies the cold, grey, utah winter. I don't really think it's fair to have a "favorite album," and not every song on each of these albums is spectacular; i just feel like they flow really well from one track to the next.
I figured once in a while i have to post up about music and talk about a bunch of stuff i think is really cool because my little high school friend circle that would tolerate this is nonexistent at college.
Battle Studies- John Mayer. My mother has bought me two albums in her life. One was Taylor Swift's Speak Now and the other was John Mayer's latest. On both occasions it was affirmed to me that I have the coolest mom ever. What's great about Battle Studies is that the texture of the songs is pretty uniform throughout. Nothing crazy jumps out at me and i can listen to it time and time again and happily watch 46 minutes slip away as if it were 10. Mayer is such a boss because he can totally cut loose and shred like nobody's business if he feels like it (for those who doubt just listen to his blues trio set from "Where the light is-live at the nokia theater"), but he doesn't. The album is just kick-back good music. Sure, on his cover of Clapton's "crossroads" he gets down, but not so much as to be a turnoff to the casual listener. Battle Studies' first and last song are both in A major, which makes the album seamless when you throw it on repeat. Just a thought. Also, Mayer is an avid strat player. The fender strat's sound is so beautiful and diverse i want to cry every time i hear it. almost like eating a bar of Symphony chocolate after having nothing but Vegemite for a month. Tears. Tears of joy.
Live in Paris- Oscar Peterson. I bought this album when I was 15 years old or so with a barnes and noble gift card. I always felt weird going to a bookstore to buy music, but whatever. I was looking for some good jazz and stumbled upon this live double album, sampled a couple tunes, then bought it. I love it because it is jazz at its simplest: a quartet (keys, drums, bass, and guitar) that swings so hard it's almost off the scale. Ray Brown is featured on bass on the album, and he kills it. walks like no other. I've always thought jazz guitar is a complete joke, and it is, but on this album it provides just enough flavor to keep it interesting. Nothing beats the pure soul of peterson. I'm always a sucker for good drums, and whoever beats the kit on this one keeps it flavorful and tasty. an hour of my life well spent listening to some slamming swing. Peterson was a classically trained pianist, so he definitely has the chops to do whatever the heck he wants.
INCEPTION soundtrack-Hans Zimmer. Probably the most brilliantly scored movie i've seen in my life. Actually, i think it's the best movie i've seen in my life. for quite a long time after i saw inception in the theater, every new movie i went and saw just didn't even compare to it. So yeah, Inception is pretty much my favorite movie in the world. I usually hate soundtracks. especially instrumental ones. i don't think they're pointless, but without the video, i don't really see what the music is trying to do, seeing as the music is catered to the visual and not the other way around. but with the inception soundtrack, I can almost watch the movie in my head as i listen to it. The match of music to movie is so sick that you think the director wrote the music himself. I bought it last week and probably have listened to it 10 or 12 times since, sometimes twice in a row.
Hopes and Fears-Keane. Back in the lowly days of CD players (before i had an ipod) i would spin this album every night before i went to sleep in sixth grade. Something about the piano driven pop sound along with the british singer just did it for me. Excellent.
It's also kind of funny to me how no guy studies after visiting hours are over. just a thought.
Once I start spinning one, I'm sucked in and dead to the world. This may contribute to my zombie-esque face whilst walking around campus. other factors may include not going to bed until 3 am on a regular basis and my general air of apathy that accompanies the cold, grey, utah winter. I don't really think it's fair to have a "favorite album," and not every song on each of these albums is spectacular; i just feel like they flow really well from one track to the next.
I figured once in a while i have to post up about music and talk about a bunch of stuff i think is really cool because my little high school friend circle that would tolerate this is nonexistent at college.
Battle Studies- John Mayer. My mother has bought me two albums in her life. One was Taylor Swift's Speak Now and the other was John Mayer's latest. On both occasions it was affirmed to me that I have the coolest mom ever. What's great about Battle Studies is that the texture of the songs is pretty uniform throughout. Nothing crazy jumps out at me and i can listen to it time and time again and happily watch 46 minutes slip away as if it were 10. Mayer is such a boss because he can totally cut loose and shred like nobody's business if he feels like it (for those who doubt just listen to his blues trio set from "Where the light is-live at the nokia theater"), but he doesn't. The album is just kick-back good music. Sure, on his cover of Clapton's "crossroads" he gets down, but not so much as to be a turnoff to the casual listener. Battle Studies' first and last song are both in A major, which makes the album seamless when you throw it on repeat. Just a thought. Also, Mayer is an avid strat player. The fender strat's sound is so beautiful and diverse i want to cry every time i hear it. almost like eating a bar of Symphony chocolate after having nothing but Vegemite for a month. Tears. Tears of joy.
Live in Paris- Oscar Peterson. I bought this album when I was 15 years old or so with a barnes and noble gift card. I always felt weird going to a bookstore to buy music, but whatever. I was looking for some good jazz and stumbled upon this live double album, sampled a couple tunes, then bought it. I love it because it is jazz at its simplest: a quartet (keys, drums, bass, and guitar) that swings so hard it's almost off the scale. Ray Brown is featured on bass on the album, and he kills it. walks like no other. I've always thought jazz guitar is a complete joke, and it is, but on this album it provides just enough flavor to keep it interesting. Nothing beats the pure soul of peterson. I'm always a sucker for good drums, and whoever beats the kit on this one keeps it flavorful and tasty. an hour of my life well spent listening to some slamming swing. Peterson was a classically trained pianist, so he definitely has the chops to do whatever the heck he wants.
INCEPTION soundtrack-Hans Zimmer. Probably the most brilliantly scored movie i've seen in my life. Actually, i think it's the best movie i've seen in my life. for quite a long time after i saw inception in the theater, every new movie i went and saw just didn't even compare to it. So yeah, Inception is pretty much my favorite movie in the world. I usually hate soundtracks. especially instrumental ones. i don't think they're pointless, but without the video, i don't really see what the music is trying to do, seeing as the music is catered to the visual and not the other way around. but with the inception soundtrack, I can almost watch the movie in my head as i listen to it. The match of music to movie is so sick that you think the director wrote the music himself. I bought it last week and probably have listened to it 10 or 12 times since, sometimes twice in a row.
Hopes and Fears-Keane. Back in the lowly days of CD players (before i had an ipod) i would spin this album every night before i went to sleep in sixth grade. Something about the piano driven pop sound along with the british singer just did it for me. Excellent.
It's also kind of funny to me how no guy studies after visiting hours are over. just a thought.
12/11/2011
12/10
Today I ran more than i have in the past 3 months of my life.
It was an interesting day. to say the least.
I arose at 6 AM to iron my clothes and get on the bus to salt lake city. when i say "arose" i mean got out of bed, looked in the mirror, and then decided to go back to sleep. At 9 AM, i really got out of bed and did something in my life. I had to catch the bus to Salt lake city in order to attend a concert with my grandmother. more on that later. Today was pretty much my first experience with public transit. Shameful, yes I know, but I marched head-on to the bus stop a mile away from my apartment armed with nothing but a bus schedule, ipod, roughly 15$ worth of quarters, and an ELfudge cookie for breakfast. The bus was slated to arrive at 9:57 AM. it didn't. I got to the stop around 9:50, and i thought that the bus had come early and i had missed it. just before i went into an outright panic, it showed up. I got on the bus, paid my fare, then rode it to the end of the line, after which i took the tram to salt lake. Journey up? fairly uneventful, but it did give me a good opportunity to spin some Fountains of Wayne, John Mayer, and Jack's Mannequin i've been neglecting.
I found my Grandmother shortly after getting off the tram. it was nice to be away from the two guys i sat by who discussed the circumstances of their various DUIs. Grandma called my cell phone when i was about 15 feet away from her because she thought i was lost. We went to lunch at Brigham Young's house (which is now like a museum/restaurant thingy) and it was one of the best meals that i've had since i've been in college. Got a pulled pork sandwich, but may i say how severely i miss north carolina barbeque. I miss it like a fat kid misses cake. or like a boy scout misses TP when in the woods. something like that. (it wasn't NC BBQ). These utahns don't know what they're missing out on. Solid meal. can't wait to get back to my mom's cooking.
We went to the Kurt Bestor matinee. Kurt Bestor is this guy who plays lots of instruments and arranges christmas music. Probably the funniest thing he did was have a random audience member (debatable) come read "twas the night before christmas" while his band/orchestra accompanied the reader. kind of like the ultimate hipster fantasy except it wasn't poetry. The concert was great, and i really enjoyed it. It had about the most intense bell choir i've seen in my life.
My day kicked into high gear after the show.
I had to be back in provo by 7 PM because i had a date. I planned on taking the 4:39 tram back to the bus station to catch the 5:20 back to provo, which would put me at home sweet home right at 6:40. it'd work like clockwork. in theory. The concert let out at 4:31. Let me take this time to tell everyone who reads this how much i HATE BEING RUSHED. so much. it makes me want to yank leg hairs off my roommate with a pair of pliers. I made the train, so i was convinced that everything would go according to plan.
It didn't.
The tram got to the bus station a full TWO MINUTES BEHIND SCHEDULE. not that big a deal right? in the olympics, that's like the difference between being a gold medalist and a complete loser who didn't qualify, just to put things in perspective. for the most part, the tram ride was uneventful, and i sent everyone who would be involved with my evening the "it's going to be close" text, but i was sure i'd be back in provo with plenty of time to get changed and go pick up my date. I might even get to grab some dinner beforehand. Boy was i wrong.
The supposed 5 minute wait I was supposed to have between the tram and the bus turned out to be a 30 minute wait. To top that off, when the bus finally did arrive, the large and in charge bus driver decided he needed to go take his bathroom break. It's not like any of us were in a hurry. Even though it is on my bucket list to take a bus street racing, i controlled myself tonight. after the bus driver (who will be referred to as 'Santa' for the remainder of the post) returned, I was finally en route to provo. Did i mention that i had to stand in the below freezing weather for half an hour before Santa decided to show up? yeah i'm feeling the christmas spirit.
I did meet another BYU freshman at the bus stop. he was pretty cool.
Still, I HATE BEING RUSHED. this 30 minute delay was cutting it way to close. so i texted my date and told her i'd be late (intentional rhyme) and then proceeded to try and forget about what time it was. if there's one thing i wish i could pride myself on, it's punctuality. I swore that when i came to college, i would be on time for anything and everything, partly because when i was living at home my mom's time clock and mine did not line up very often. here are a couple threads that showcase my frustration:
(757): "going to be a bit late...bus driver had to take a bathroom break. now stuck with this ghetto white girl who is talking the freak loud on her phone about alex boyer."
(801):"how late?"
(757):"shouldn't be too bad unless fatty has to crap again"
(801): "go slip him 5$"
A couple busted into a fierce ASL debate on the bus, and and the ghetto white girl's phone convo lasted a solid 20 minutes and every other word was either "gurl,""like," or "[tongue click/gum pop]" i freaking hate utah. i need a new word to describe it because hate does not do it justice. public transit is a weird place. but i like it.
I ended up getting off the bus at THE WRONG STOP. turned out i was waaaaay south of campus, but i thought i was just north of campus. I tore my coat off and attempted to sprint home in my dress shoes. failure. the air is so thin here. Also, i was completely lost in south provo, and i didn't even have my pocketknife. i was pretty much a naked guy in the sahara desert trying not to get a sunburn. my situation was bad and there was about nothing i could do. I also tried giving the other BYU guy directions, shortly after which i started running in the direction i thought my apartment was in. it didn't take me long to realize that i was pretty far off the mark. so i start running buck wild toward the SWKT (the tallest building on campus) because it's a good landmark. i was far away from it. Phone dead, screaming at every object i could, and out of breath, i was ready to break into a car and drive it home. lucky for me, a woman spotted me running like a duck up toward campus and asked if i needed a ride. I told her i was late for a date (which incurred her pity upon me) and got a ride back home. eternally grateful. I got home, got changed, ate an ELfudge cookie, then ran to my date's apartment to pick her up. notice lots of running? yeah.
The date ended up being more fun than i expected. We went ice skating in the middle-of-nowhere-utah, but then again everywhere is the middle of nowhere in utah. so if everywhere is the middle, what shape does that make utah? an infinitesimal, unimportant speck in the universe maybe? Jake wanted to stay until we were the last people on the ice, so i offered to go warm his car up for him, because we'd been skating for almost 2 hours in the 15 degree weather. My date said she'd be journaling about the "coldest date she's ever been on." wouldn't have it any other way. I ended up taking jake's car for a little joyride (about 50 feet) because i haven't driven in 3 months and am uninsured. I just moved it from one side of the parking lot to the other to see how long it'd take him to realize it was gone. it took him a while for various reasons. i think visibility decreases as it gets colder. yes.
I also ended up NOT laying bruised, bleeding, and broken on the ice rink at any point of the night.
After my date, at 1149 PM, I RAN to the grocery store (closes at 12). I made it.
Champion.
I will never run again unless someone is dying, and even then its a long shot.
It was an interesting day. to say the least.
I arose at 6 AM to iron my clothes and get on the bus to salt lake city. when i say "arose" i mean got out of bed, looked in the mirror, and then decided to go back to sleep. At 9 AM, i really got out of bed and did something in my life. I had to catch the bus to Salt lake city in order to attend a concert with my grandmother. more on that later. Today was pretty much my first experience with public transit. Shameful, yes I know, but I marched head-on to the bus stop a mile away from my apartment armed with nothing but a bus schedule, ipod, roughly 15$ worth of quarters, and an ELfudge cookie for breakfast. The bus was slated to arrive at 9:57 AM. it didn't. I got to the stop around 9:50, and i thought that the bus had come early and i had missed it. just before i went into an outright panic, it showed up. I got on the bus, paid my fare, then rode it to the end of the line, after which i took the tram to salt lake. Journey up? fairly uneventful, but it did give me a good opportunity to spin some Fountains of Wayne, John Mayer, and Jack's Mannequin i've been neglecting.
I found my Grandmother shortly after getting off the tram. it was nice to be away from the two guys i sat by who discussed the circumstances of their various DUIs. Grandma called my cell phone when i was about 15 feet away from her because she thought i was lost. We went to lunch at Brigham Young's house (which is now like a museum/restaurant thingy) and it was one of the best meals that i've had since i've been in college. Got a pulled pork sandwich, but may i say how severely i miss north carolina barbeque. I miss it like a fat kid misses cake. or like a boy scout misses TP when in the woods. something like that. (it wasn't NC BBQ). These utahns don't know what they're missing out on. Solid meal. can't wait to get back to my mom's cooking.
We went to the Kurt Bestor matinee. Kurt Bestor is this guy who plays lots of instruments and arranges christmas music. Probably the funniest thing he did was have a random audience member (debatable) come read "twas the night before christmas" while his band/orchestra accompanied the reader. kind of like the ultimate hipster fantasy except it wasn't poetry. The concert was great, and i really enjoyed it. It had about the most intense bell choir i've seen in my life.
My day kicked into high gear after the show.
I had to be back in provo by 7 PM because i had a date. I planned on taking the 4:39 tram back to the bus station to catch the 5:20 back to provo, which would put me at home sweet home right at 6:40. it'd work like clockwork. in theory. The concert let out at 4:31. Let me take this time to tell everyone who reads this how much i HATE BEING RUSHED. so much. it makes me want to yank leg hairs off my roommate with a pair of pliers. I made the train, so i was convinced that everything would go according to plan.
It didn't.
The tram got to the bus station a full TWO MINUTES BEHIND SCHEDULE. not that big a deal right? in the olympics, that's like the difference between being a gold medalist and a complete loser who didn't qualify, just to put things in perspective. for the most part, the tram ride was uneventful, and i sent everyone who would be involved with my evening the "it's going to be close" text, but i was sure i'd be back in provo with plenty of time to get changed and go pick up my date. I might even get to grab some dinner beforehand. Boy was i wrong.
The supposed 5 minute wait I was supposed to have between the tram and the bus turned out to be a 30 minute wait. To top that off, when the bus finally did arrive, the large and in charge bus driver decided he needed to go take his bathroom break. It's not like any of us were in a hurry. Even though it is on my bucket list to take a bus street racing, i controlled myself tonight. after the bus driver (who will be referred to as 'Santa' for the remainder of the post) returned, I was finally en route to provo. Did i mention that i had to stand in the below freezing weather for half an hour before Santa decided to show up? yeah i'm feeling the christmas spirit.
I did meet another BYU freshman at the bus stop. he was pretty cool.
Still, I HATE BEING RUSHED. this 30 minute delay was cutting it way to close. so i texted my date and told her i'd be late (intentional rhyme) and then proceeded to try and forget about what time it was. if there's one thing i wish i could pride myself on, it's punctuality. I swore that when i came to college, i would be on time for anything and everything, partly because when i was living at home my mom's time clock and mine did not line up very often. here are a couple threads that showcase my frustration:
(757): "going to be a bit late...bus driver had to take a bathroom break. now stuck with this ghetto white girl who is talking the freak loud on her phone about alex boyer."
(801):"how late?"
(757):"shouldn't be too bad unless fatty has to crap again"
(801): "go slip him 5$"
A couple busted into a fierce ASL debate on the bus, and and the ghetto white girl's phone convo lasted a solid 20 minutes and every other word was either "gurl,""like," or "[tongue click/gum pop]" i freaking hate utah. i need a new word to describe it because hate does not do it justice. public transit is a weird place. but i like it.
I ended up getting off the bus at THE WRONG STOP. turned out i was waaaaay south of campus, but i thought i was just north of campus. I tore my coat off and attempted to sprint home in my dress shoes. failure. the air is so thin here. Also, i was completely lost in south provo, and i didn't even have my pocketknife. i was pretty much a naked guy in the sahara desert trying not to get a sunburn. my situation was bad and there was about nothing i could do. I also tried giving the other BYU guy directions, shortly after which i started running in the direction i thought my apartment was in. it didn't take me long to realize that i was pretty far off the mark. so i start running buck wild toward the SWKT (the tallest building on campus) because it's a good landmark. i was far away from it. Phone dead, screaming at every object i could, and out of breath, i was ready to break into a car and drive it home. lucky for me, a woman spotted me running like a duck up toward campus and asked if i needed a ride. I told her i was late for a date (which incurred her pity upon me) and got a ride back home. eternally grateful. I got home, got changed, ate an ELfudge cookie, then ran to my date's apartment to pick her up. notice lots of running? yeah.
The date ended up being more fun than i expected. We went ice skating in the middle-of-nowhere-utah, but then again everywhere is the middle of nowhere in utah. so if everywhere is the middle, what shape does that make utah? an infinitesimal, unimportant speck in the universe maybe? Jake wanted to stay until we were the last people on the ice, so i offered to go warm his car up for him, because we'd been skating for almost 2 hours in the 15 degree weather. My date said she'd be journaling about the "coldest date she's ever been on." wouldn't have it any other way. I ended up taking jake's car for a little joyride (about 50 feet) because i haven't driven in 3 months and am uninsured. I just moved it from one side of the parking lot to the other to see how long it'd take him to realize it was gone. it took him a while for various reasons. i think visibility decreases as it gets colder. yes.
I also ended up NOT laying bruised, bleeding, and broken on the ice rink at any point of the night.
After my date, at 1149 PM, I RAN to the grocery store (closes at 12). I made it.
Champion.
I will never run again unless someone is dying, and even then its a long shot.
12/10/2011
Occupy the Creamery
Just on my mind.
If it's possible for the mind of an 18 year old to be trapped in a 60 year old man's body, then is it possible for a crotchety old man's mind to be trapped in an 18 year old's body? this is what i wonder as one of my unnamed roommates lays in the hallway yelling out the vent to the lobby such friendly things as "SHUT UP" and "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP." food for thought. He's such a charmer.
The whole "occupy wall street" shindig has inspired me to start my own protest movement. Starting my own is not in itself strictly an original idea, because whenever something happens that people don't like around here, they just say "occupy (fill in the blank)." Blanks can be filled with things such as Apt. 188, the bookstore, or other such nonsense.
The BYU creamery is the only grocery store within reasonable walking distance of my apartment. it's safe to say that they have a monopoly on everything that anyone living in heritage halls (my complex) consumes. many times i've had to go without milk or sausage because they decide to not have it when i go to the store at 1050 pm. get with it please. There is another store i frequent, the magical place known as Buy Low, which is pretty much like the dollar store for food, except sometimes the chicken is a little screwy (meaning that they just checked to see if it was a bird before they fed it through the meat grinder). Hitting Buy Low requires the use of a car, and for the most part, i'm highly dependent on Jake for that. So usually i'm buying crap from the creamery.
The Creamery is like a restaurant/grocery store/ ice cream joint. it always smells like waffle cones in there. the only thing they have going for them is this bomb diggity cookies and cream milk they sell. it's pretty much like ecstasy (the feeling) in a bottle. My occupy the creamery movement represents the 99 % of my time that i can't persuade jake into going to buy low. this is for the 1%. The thing that drove me over the edge with the creamery was the jack-uppage of the price on my beloved Elfudge cookies. usually you can dodge the high prices of the creamery and escape without your checkbook laying beaten, broken, and bleeding on the sidewalk if you buy western family stuff, but it's all very cleverly hidden away in different parts of the store. communists. But seriously, raising the price from 2 for 5$ to 2 for 6$ was the most unsettling thing that happened to me this semester. I was almost literally in tears, kind of like the moment you get into a public restroom with one stall and you discover its out of toilet paper after the fact. it's just like CAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD BE WRONG? then you realize that you could be living in utah. but you are. situation-ception.
Occupy the Creamery is not a peaceful protest. It's one of my college goals to start a riot. i've always wanted to. i've also wanted to set a dumpster on fire. both may happen on the same glorious day. but i think that it'd be totally appropriate to have a non-nonviolent protest and have about 600 people storm the creamery and loot the place. it's kind of like a flash mob but it has a point. I'd have all the elfudge cookies i could ever want. this sounds like a good plan.
it pretty much makes me want to knock my teeth out with ice skates.
angst.
angst.
angst.
Let me also add that Jack Black is the most detestable human being on the face of the planet. I started watching school of rock last night and turned it off halfway through because it was such a steaming piece of crap. His delivery is akin to the sound a cat with mad cow disease makes when it gets hit by a moped. sometimes when watching his material i wish i am said cat. at least it would be over for me. I'll give jack black Kung Fu panda. That was a solid movie. But every other movie i've seen with him in it makes me want to punch orphans. He almost ruined the new muppet movie for me, which is no small feat, but Jim Parsons' cameo counterbalanced it. thank heaven.
Happiest moment of my life. For the record, the only stupid-humor comedian i like is Will Ferrell, because he's a genius. Jack Black is just a fat wannabe version of the man who has given us Ricky Bobby, Ron Burgandy, and Buddy the Elf, whereas jack black has done nothing but be a slob onscreen.
If it's possible for the mind of an 18 year old to be trapped in a 60 year old man's body, then is it possible for a crotchety old man's mind to be trapped in an 18 year old's body? this is what i wonder as one of my unnamed roommates lays in the hallway yelling out the vent to the lobby such friendly things as "SHUT UP" and "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP." food for thought. He's such a charmer.
The whole "occupy wall street" shindig has inspired me to start my own protest movement. Starting my own is not in itself strictly an original idea, because whenever something happens that people don't like around here, they just say "occupy (fill in the blank)." Blanks can be filled with things such as Apt. 188, the bookstore, or other such nonsense.
The BYU creamery is the only grocery store within reasonable walking distance of my apartment. it's safe to say that they have a monopoly on everything that anyone living in heritage halls (my complex) consumes. many times i've had to go without milk or sausage because they decide to not have it when i go to the store at 1050 pm. get with it please. There is another store i frequent, the magical place known as Buy Low, which is pretty much like the dollar store for food, except sometimes the chicken is a little screwy (meaning that they just checked to see if it was a bird before they fed it through the meat grinder). Hitting Buy Low requires the use of a car, and for the most part, i'm highly dependent on Jake for that. So usually i'm buying crap from the creamery.
The Creamery is like a restaurant/grocery store/ ice cream joint. it always smells like waffle cones in there. the only thing they have going for them is this bomb diggity cookies and cream milk they sell. it's pretty much like ecstasy (the feeling) in a bottle. My occupy the creamery movement represents the 99 % of my time that i can't persuade jake into going to buy low. this is for the 1%. The thing that drove me over the edge with the creamery was the jack-uppage of the price on my beloved Elfudge cookies. usually you can dodge the high prices of the creamery and escape without your checkbook laying beaten, broken, and bleeding on the sidewalk if you buy western family stuff, but it's all very cleverly hidden away in different parts of the store. communists. But seriously, raising the price from 2 for 5$ to 2 for 6$ was the most unsettling thing that happened to me this semester. I was almost literally in tears, kind of like the moment you get into a public restroom with one stall and you discover its out of toilet paper after the fact. it's just like CAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD BE WRONG? then you realize that you could be living in utah. but you are. situation-ception.
Occupy the Creamery is not a peaceful protest. It's one of my college goals to start a riot. i've always wanted to. i've also wanted to set a dumpster on fire. both may happen on the same glorious day. but i think that it'd be totally appropriate to have a non-nonviolent protest and have about 600 people storm the creamery and loot the place. it's kind of like a flash mob but it has a point. I'd have all the elfudge cookies i could ever want. this sounds like a good plan.
it pretty much makes me want to knock my teeth out with ice skates.
angst.
angst.
angst.
Let me also add that Jack Black is the most detestable human being on the face of the planet. I started watching school of rock last night and turned it off halfway through because it was such a steaming piece of crap. His delivery is akin to the sound a cat with mad cow disease makes when it gets hit by a moped. sometimes when watching his material i wish i am said cat. at least it would be over for me. I'll give jack black Kung Fu panda. That was a solid movie. But every other movie i've seen with him in it makes me want to punch orphans. He almost ruined the new muppet movie for me, which is no small feat, but Jim Parsons' cameo counterbalanced it. thank heaven.
12/06/2011
Two things that make me vomit
Due to poor time management, i found myself up this morning at 3 am doing my sightsinging homework/makeup work for the class i missed. According to the syllabus, by the end of the course i "should be able to look at a piece of music and hear the melody in my head without playing it first." cool story. I feel that singers invented solfege (the do re mi fa sol la ti thing that Maria sings about) to help them feel like they are real musicians. then the real musicians learned it for fun. The only thing that solfege has done for me is piss me off. a lot. I'm pulling a B+ in it, which makes me angry. I really wish that the freaking communists who put the program together would just exempt those of us who are in the AP club. aside from a thrilling number in the sound of music, solfege is pretty much pointless unless you're a high school choir director. The solfege system is european, which is ironic, because america fought for so long to become independent of our european mother country only to some hundred years later attempt to adopt it's cultural systems. ish. sightsinging makes me want to punch babies. it's quite a bit of a joke.t'me, t'me.
In other disturbing news, someone i know has decided to go and try veganism. I say 'someone i know' instead of "one of my friends" because when you talk about someone with a drug addiction, serious medical problem, or a scion, you don't refer to them like you know who they are. friend of a friend. ish. you know the feeling you get when you think someone can sink no lower and then they do something like become a vegan and totally throw you for a loop? yeah. THAT JUST HAPPENED. SHAKE AND BAKE. I think that veganism is for people who aren't satisfied with being a vegetarian and want something a bit more extreme. If i decided to become a vegan i think i would die, not just because i'd be malnourished, but because i wouldn't know what to eat. hunger and insanity would probably drive me to eat the grass that grew outside my apartment (it's now all dead and brown, so i'm guessing that if it has started to mold then as a vegan i wouldn't be allowed to eat it because mold is a living organism and vegans don't do that). If you really think about it, animal by-products are completely unavoidable. Birds poop on trees, cows poop on grass that becomes lettuce, and cats get hair everywhere. essentially, bird/cat/cow/ocelot poop helps fertilize the vegan's beloved pesticide-free orchard of apple, peach, and tomato trees. it's the CIRCLE OF LIFE. also as a vegan you miss out on chocolate. more for me. i've heard of vegan people (after a while) being able to smell the red meat that someone has eaten. like seeping out of their pores or something. others usually call this sweating.So i told my friend that she's turning into a hippie. she ( as any hippie would) denied it, then started making homemade granola, complete with oats, crasins, and honey (so much for veganism-bees make honey). I'm thinking the next thing coming is a flower tattoo on said person's ankle. I promptly left, very satisfied by the footlong flatbread teriyaki chicken subway sandwich that has become my standard friday afternoon meal. victorious.
In other disturbing news, someone i know has decided to go and try veganism. I say 'someone i know' instead of "one of my friends" because when you talk about someone with a drug addiction, serious medical problem, or a scion, you don't refer to them like you know who they are. friend of a friend. ish. you know the feeling you get when you think someone can sink no lower and then they do something like become a vegan and totally throw you for a loop? yeah. THAT JUST HAPPENED. SHAKE AND BAKE. I think that veganism is for people who aren't satisfied with being a vegetarian and want something a bit more extreme. If i decided to become a vegan i think i would die, not just because i'd be malnourished, but because i wouldn't know what to eat. hunger and insanity would probably drive me to eat the grass that grew outside my apartment (it's now all dead and brown, so i'm guessing that if it has started to mold then as a vegan i wouldn't be allowed to eat it because mold is a living organism and vegans don't do that). If you really think about it, animal by-products are completely unavoidable. Birds poop on trees, cows poop on grass that becomes lettuce, and cats get hair everywhere. essentially, bird/cat/cow/ocelot poop helps fertilize the vegan's beloved pesticide-free orchard of apple, peach, and tomato trees. it's the CIRCLE OF LIFE. also as a vegan you miss out on chocolate. more for me. i've heard of vegan people (after a while) being able to smell the red meat that someone has eaten. like seeping out of their pores or something. others usually call this sweating.So i told my friend that she's turning into a hippie. she ( as any hippie would) denied it, then started making homemade granola, complete with oats, crasins, and honey (so much for veganism-bees make honey). I'm thinking the next thing coming is a flower tattoo on said person's ankle. I promptly left, very satisfied by the footlong flatbread teriyaki chicken subway sandwich that has become my standard friday afternoon meal. victorious.
12/03/2011
The 10 Day Challenge.
I need a break from my research paper.
Turns out listening to 12-tone music isn't quite the best thing to keep your brain from going nuts while working. but whatever. My paper, written on digital music piracy, almost had the quote "rent, food, cocaine, et cetera" included in it. sadly i am not tired or crazy enough at this point to include it. I will always know what an advance fund is, thanks to my father. tonights study-playlist has consisted of the thile/daves album, some ravel, and finally Arnold Schoenberg radio. since there is no tonal center in serialism, you kind of have to feel like you have an itch in your ear that you can't quite scratch the entire time while your listening to it. Serialism is music for mathematicians who want to be musicians. forreal now. pop a sequence out, transpose it, hit the retrograde, invert it, then if the audience hasn't left by then, they're either dead, deaf, or attempting to justify their being there by seeing the "deeper meaning" behind said atonal composition. Got to love it.
I've picked up on the 10 day challenge here. it's about "redefining beauty" and all that other feel-good crap that hippies like. whatever. it's about being fed up with what society and the media says beauty is and doing whatever you want to slap them upside the face about it. I don't think i need to say this program targets women. but this program targets women. I guess you could say it's the whole "i'm a strong independent woman who don't need no man" mindset. more power to ya.
I have decided to take the 10 day challenge.
Since i'm a rather outstanding individual (Meaning i like to tell myself that) i just decided to do the 10 day challenge in one night. call me an over achiever.
Day 1: "Join us for a night of yoga and body kindness in WSC 3228"
-Yoga could get a blog in and of itself. Yeah, i had to take a class in high school my sophomore year, but i went to a liberal arts school and hated it. the yoga that is. if i have to downward facing dog one more time in my life i just might stab a kitten. all yoga did for me was hurt my wrists and give me a solid 7 minute nap in corpse position. Tangent to that, i'd define "body kindness" as doing amazing stuff for myself, like taking a hot shower (hot water was off this morning, but that's what you get when you live in a building that is older than dumbledore), eating ice cream, and playing basketball. also i think i should cash in for a massage that my roommate owes me for stealing 2 of my sour patch kids earlier today. Yeah. i'm kind to my body.
Day 2: "are you gifted? tell us about your gifts."
my mom says i'm smart. i feel that i'm a genius in ways that tests can't measure. Like cities will be named after me style genius. maybe even a building on BYU campus. oh yeah. Am i gifted? i can tie my shoes all by myself despite the fact that i've refused to wear anything but slip-ons since the ninth grade. I cook myself pop tarts for breakfast every morning in the toaster without burning the apartment down. I can make pasta. Fetch yeah, I'm gifted. I'm the freaking sequel to amazing.
Day 3: "tell us all your negative thoughts. are they true?"
Well, for starters, I've got a couple fines i haven't paid off at the library. there's a negative thought for you. I also get lots of static electricity on me when i take a sweater off, and it bugs me. double negative. i think. electricity is electrons, no? not a particle physics major.
Day 4: "what internal characteristics do you want to be complimented on? think of a time you meaningfully complimented someone."
I like people to compliment my veins. they're so visible that "a drunk blind man could hit them." I also like comments on how my ribs can be seen through my shirt, and anything that compares me to a holocaust victim. I sincerely complimented someone once. The only meaningful compliment i think i give on this earth is "well, it could've been worse." be that as it may.
Day 5: "Take a risk and express yourself today. It’s okay to just say ‘no’ you don’t have to give a reason or anexcuse. Or you might say, “let me think about it and I’ll get back to
you." Disagree if you really don’t agree with someone rather than smiling
and allowing your silence to communicate agreement."
It's a good thing i live life on the edge, otherwise this would be really hard. I think my default answer to anything on this earth is "no" or "get a life," but "i would if i was a loser" is becoming pretty popular too. I'll say "no" and give you a reason because i want you to be ashamed of your stupidity. I took a risk and expressed myself yesterday. I got out of bed and stood in my kitchen shirtless drinking milk straight out of the gallon with the blinds open. And might i say that without my contacts in it becomes very hard to differentiate between whos milk is whos. andrew decided to label his in the same spot on the carton as mine, stating "andrew's milk" while i wrote my customary death threat "Drink this if you want AIDS." so i might have taken a large swig of andrew bratsman milk last night around 3. jake stopped me, thankfully, but we think that now i have drunk something that andrew owns all the women in the world will magically want me. it's the best i've got. haha.
Day 6: "find a fashion magazine, flip through it, and determine on a scale of 1-10 (7 being the highest) how unattractive you are. take a picture of a celebrity and compare yourself to it then pretend that you can be accepted for who you are in the world." (paraphrased)
Well, we are fresh out of fashion magazines in my dorm. so i settled for a google search. This is the celebrity i chose to compare myself to:
I am not a fat unshaven slob who must behave like a complete dipwad to have a successful career.
Day 7: "reflect on what makeup is to you and make your own challenge (because the people who wrote this were too lazy to) based on what you think."
As a man, I feel that makeup smells really bad. I hate it when i walk into a room and can smell it on a woman. couple that with spray tans and weird costumes and you've found yourself at a dance lab trying not to puke. My challenge will be to tell a girl that i think the smell of her makeup is about as unattractive as having a festering wound on their forehead, and then to try and vomit on said woman. can i say that it's my lifes ambition to blow chunks on someone (preferably a woman)?
Day 8: "write your body a love letter telling it how awesome it is and all the things it lets you do."
Self-addressed letters are the mark of the challenge that says "if you haven't stopped by now, you probably won't, so we're going to make you do whatever we want." I'm not feeling a need to write my body a letter because It doesn't check its mail very often.
Days 9 and 10 are pretty much repeats of other days, meaning that the program has you do the same stuff over and over.
as a small side note, the satanic BYU creamery (the only store within reasonable distance from my apartment) with its socialist agenda has jacked up the price of my beloved ELfudge cookies from 2.50 a box to 3.00 a box. this means that for every five weeks that i buy cookies, i could've had 11 boxes of cookies but instead i get 10. what cooks my grits even more is that the store pretends that the 2 for 6.00 deal is like a big sale or something. HELLO the cookies have been 2 for 5.00 for the ENTIRE SEMESTER. they must realize that i will be reverting to an all-cookie all-subway diet during finals week in an effort to not have to cook for myself until i hit virginia beach again.
Everything i do falls into 2 categories: things that i can write a raging blog post about and things that i can't.
Turns out listening to 12-tone music isn't quite the best thing to keep your brain from going nuts while working. but whatever. My paper, written on digital music piracy, almost had the quote "rent, food, cocaine, et cetera" included in it. sadly i am not tired or crazy enough at this point to include it. I will always know what an advance fund is, thanks to my father. tonights study-playlist has consisted of the thile/daves album, some ravel, and finally Arnold Schoenberg radio. since there is no tonal center in serialism, you kind of have to feel like you have an itch in your ear that you can't quite scratch the entire time while your listening to it. Serialism is music for mathematicians who want to be musicians. forreal now. pop a sequence out, transpose it, hit the retrograde, invert it, then if the audience hasn't left by then, they're either dead, deaf, or attempting to justify their being there by seeing the "deeper meaning" behind said atonal composition. Got to love it.
I've picked up on the 10 day challenge here. it's about "redefining beauty" and all that other feel-good crap that hippies like. whatever. it's about being fed up with what society and the media says beauty is and doing whatever you want to slap them upside the face about it. I don't think i need to say this program targets women. but this program targets women. I guess you could say it's the whole "i'm a strong independent woman who don't need no man" mindset. more power to ya.
I have decided to take the 10 day challenge.
Since i'm a rather outstanding individual (Meaning i like to tell myself that) i just decided to do the 10 day challenge in one night. call me an over achiever.
Day 1: "Join us for a night of yoga and body kindness in WSC 3228"
-Yoga could get a blog in and of itself. Yeah, i had to take a class in high school my sophomore year, but i went to a liberal arts school and hated it. the yoga that is. if i have to downward facing dog one more time in my life i just might stab a kitten. all yoga did for me was hurt my wrists and give me a solid 7 minute nap in corpse position. Tangent to that, i'd define "body kindness" as doing amazing stuff for myself, like taking a hot shower (hot water was off this morning, but that's what you get when you live in a building that is older than dumbledore), eating ice cream, and playing basketball. also i think i should cash in for a massage that my roommate owes me for stealing 2 of my sour patch kids earlier today. Yeah. i'm kind to my body.
Day 2: "are you gifted? tell us about your gifts."
my mom says i'm smart. i feel that i'm a genius in ways that tests can't measure. Like cities will be named after me style genius. maybe even a building on BYU campus. oh yeah. Am i gifted? i can tie my shoes all by myself despite the fact that i've refused to wear anything but slip-ons since the ninth grade. I cook myself pop tarts for breakfast every morning in the toaster without burning the apartment down. I can make pasta. Fetch yeah, I'm gifted. I'm the freaking sequel to amazing.
Day 3: "tell us all your negative thoughts. are they true?"
Well, for starters, I've got a couple fines i haven't paid off at the library. there's a negative thought for you. I also get lots of static electricity on me when i take a sweater off, and it bugs me. double negative. i think. electricity is electrons, no? not a particle physics major.
Day 4: "what internal characteristics do you want to be complimented on? think of a time you meaningfully complimented someone."
I like people to compliment my veins. they're so visible that "a drunk blind man could hit them." I also like comments on how my ribs can be seen through my shirt, and anything that compares me to a holocaust victim. I sincerely complimented someone once. The only meaningful compliment i think i give on this earth is "well, it could've been worse." be that as it may.
Day 5: "Take a risk and express yourself today. It’s okay to just say ‘no’ you don’t have to give a reason or anexcuse. Or you might say, “let me think about it and I’ll get back to
you." Disagree if you really don’t agree with someone rather than smiling
and allowing your silence to communicate agreement."
It's a good thing i live life on the edge, otherwise this would be really hard. I think my default answer to anything on this earth is "no" or "get a life," but "i would if i was a loser" is becoming pretty popular too. I'll say "no" and give you a reason because i want you to be ashamed of your stupidity. I took a risk and expressed myself yesterday. I got out of bed and stood in my kitchen shirtless drinking milk straight out of the gallon with the blinds open. And might i say that without my contacts in it becomes very hard to differentiate between whos milk is whos. andrew decided to label his in the same spot on the carton as mine, stating "andrew's milk" while i wrote my customary death threat "Drink this if you want AIDS." so i might have taken a large swig of andrew bratsman milk last night around 3. jake stopped me, thankfully, but we think that now i have drunk something that andrew owns all the women in the world will magically want me. it's the best i've got. haha.
Day 6: "find a fashion magazine, flip through it, and determine on a scale of 1-10 (7 being the highest) how unattractive you are. take a picture of a celebrity and compare yourself to it then pretend that you can be accepted for who you are in the world." (paraphrased)
Well, we are fresh out of fashion magazines in my dorm. so i settled for a google search. This is the celebrity i chose to compare myself to:
Day 7: "reflect on what makeup is to you and make your own challenge (because the people who wrote this were too lazy to) based on what you think."
As a man, I feel that makeup smells really bad. I hate it when i walk into a room and can smell it on a woman. couple that with spray tans and weird costumes and you've found yourself at a dance lab trying not to puke. My challenge will be to tell a girl that i think the smell of her makeup is about as unattractive as having a festering wound on their forehead, and then to try and vomit on said woman. can i say that it's my lifes ambition to blow chunks on someone (preferably a woman)?
Day 8: "write your body a love letter telling it how awesome it is and all the things it lets you do."
Self-addressed letters are the mark of the challenge that says "if you haven't stopped by now, you probably won't, so we're going to make you do whatever we want." I'm not feeling a need to write my body a letter because It doesn't check its mail very often.
Days 9 and 10 are pretty much repeats of other days, meaning that the program has you do the same stuff over and over.
as a small side note, the satanic BYU creamery (the only store within reasonable distance from my apartment) with its socialist agenda has jacked up the price of my beloved ELfudge cookies from 2.50 a box to 3.00 a box. this means that for every five weeks that i buy cookies, i could've had 11 boxes of cookies but instead i get 10. what cooks my grits even more is that the store pretends that the 2 for 6.00 deal is like a big sale or something. HELLO the cookies have been 2 for 5.00 for the ENTIRE SEMESTER. they must realize that i will be reverting to an all-cookie all-subway diet during finals week in an effort to not have to cook for myself until i hit virginia beach again.
Everything i do falls into 2 categories: things that i can write a raging blog post about and things that i can't.
12/02/2011
On to the next one
I have made it through my first semester of college without:
Cooking ramen
Hangers in my closet
going home on the weekends
Buying bread
A second date with a girl
A girlfriend (may or may not be related to the above)
freezing to death
Using the enormous bag of flour i bought myself at the beginning of the semester for no apparent reason
crying
Cussing out an inanimate object
The button on a pair of my dress pants
Paying for a haircut (unless you count brownies)
a solid home-cooked meal (aside from thanksgiving)
buying toilet paper (going to miss the roommate that keeps supplying my need)
psychologically abusing my roommate
most of my taylor swift music collection
eating at the canon center
getting arrested (kind of a bummer)
playing a mandolin
missing a football home game
getting murdered in my sleep by an ROUS that i'm convinced lives in my walls
Dying.
Success.
I wouldn't have made it through my first semester of college without:
My parents
Subway
Elfudge cookies
An awesome bass professor
spotify/pandora
it snowing
food in general
My brilliant mind
an alarm function on my phone
my pocketknife
a belt
2 pairs of shoes
the ipod
getting a bloody nose
Jake and his Kia
A good barber
Division 1 NCAA sports and getting into them for free.
Sharissa cooking me amazing food
Cooking ramen
Hangers in my closet
going home on the weekends
Buying bread
A second date with a girl
A girlfriend (may or may not be related to the above)
freezing to death
Using the enormous bag of flour i bought myself at the beginning of the semester for no apparent reason
crying
Cussing out an inanimate object
The button on a pair of my dress pants
Paying for a haircut (unless you count brownies)
a solid home-cooked meal (aside from thanksgiving)
buying toilet paper (going to miss the roommate that keeps supplying my need)
psychologically abusing my roommate
most of my taylor swift music collection
eating at the canon center
getting arrested (kind of a bummer)
playing a mandolin
missing a football home game
getting murdered in my sleep by an ROUS that i'm convinced lives in my walls
Dying.
Success.
I wouldn't have made it through my first semester of college without:
My parents
Subway
Elfudge cookies
An awesome bass professor
spotify/pandora
it snowing
food in general
My brilliant mind
an alarm function on my phone
my pocketknife
a belt
2 pairs of shoes
the ipod
getting a bloody nose
Jake and his Kia
A good barber
Division 1 NCAA sports and getting into them for free.
Sharissa cooking me amazing food
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