Cowboys and Aliens.

Movie Review #2: "Cowboys and Aliens."

3.5/5 Stars.

Cowboys and Aliens. Two things that go together, in the words of Cal Naughton Jr., "like cocaine and waffles." (any Ricky Bobby fans?) The initial interest  piqued in me by the title alone was enough to  guarantee my attendance at the movie. The Trailer (youtube it yourself because I'm far too lazy too get it for you) warranted my presence at the midnight premiere.  This is a movie that, as the old adage states, I did not want to miss.

When a movie has subject material like extraterrestrials and gunslinging cowpokes mashed together we know right off the bat that said movie is either going to be totally mind-blowingly awesome or (more frequently) a waste of time, money, and popcorn that was smuggled into the theater in a friend's shoebag that she claims is a purse. Cowboys and Aliens actually, to my surprise, fell about 75% on the good side of the scale. The phrase "not as bad as I expected" comes to mind.

When I go see a movie, I seldom learn the characters' names. I usually just refer to them by the actor's name or a famous character that the actor has played (Liam Neeson will forever be Qui-Gon Jinn). This holds especially true if there are big-name actors involved. I could not for the life of me list off the characters by name in Inception, which is one of my favorite movies. There's Cobb (Leonardo Dicaprio), then the guy from (500) Days of Summer, Alfred from the new Batman movies, and so on. In Cowboys and Aliens, I do not see Jake (whatever his last name is), I see Daniel Craig. The only time this does not apply is when I see a movie that Will Ferrell stars in. For some odd reason or another, Ferrell's characters, be it Anchorman, Ricky Bobby, or Buddy the Elf, are all deceptively distinct, which is ironic because they all are pretty much the same person. Maybe more on Will at a later time.

The story starts with Daniel Craig (hereafter "Danny" or "Craig") waking up from a sleep apnea attack (i.e., he's gasping.) in the middle of the desert with a mysterious wristband that he cannot remove. He also cannot remember anything that has ever happened to him. Name, place of birth, library card number, and people that he may have owed money have all been erased from his mind. To me, this would seem like the perfect guy to have some harmless fun with. (maybe tell him he's with the circus and they've been looking for him.) Craig swiftly proves via his cowboy karate/pistol skills that he "don't take crap from nobody." We find out that Danny was a wanted criminal before his memory was conveniently erased, something I'm sure any one of us would want to forget. He is taken to jail to await his collection by the federal marshal.

Finally, Harrison Ford comes into the movie. I haven't seen old Harry since his appearance in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom Crystal Skull, and I don't even want to talk about how embarrassed I felt for the man who once played Han Solo. Anyway, Ford was a heck of a lot better in this movie. He played a cranky cattle rancher who essentially owned the first town Craig walked into after he wakes up in the desert. Oh, and it turns out that part of Danny's recent criminal history entails stealing a lot of gold from Harrison Ford. Convenient.

Right now, the movie just sounds like an average western. Cowboys, civil war veterans (Ford), ten gallon hats, mysterious strangers, etc.  Then the aliens attack.

 The alien attack coupled with the abduction of many of the town's citizens shows that the Big Green Men do not "come in peace" per se. Craig proves a valuable asset in the fight that plays out between the cowboys and aliens, not only because he is an escaped alien prisoner and has knowledge that he can't remember of the alien ship, but because his magical wristband is actually a blaster that can annihilate anything from a disagreeable bandit to an alien spacecraft. In the final battle scene, Craig uses the wrist-blaster to annihilate a whole slew of hostile aliens coming out of a dark tunnel. Oh wait, I've seen this before. In Halo.

Turns out the cowboys get lucky and have another person in their midst with inside alien info. It's this strange chick who follows Daniel Craig around from the minute he sets foot in town staring at him all the while. For a second I wonder why this never seems to happen to me, but I realize later in the movie that creepy chicks that follow you around fascinated by you are often the same ones to pistol-whip you in the back of your head "for your own good/safety." She turns out to be an alien from another planet that was ravished by the evil-aliens. Oh. Forgot. The evil aliens are here to mine Earth for its gold. It is a precious metal around the universe. So if I'm ever confronted by aliens, I'll just surrender my fillings right then and there so we don't have to have this large drawn out battle where they win in the end and enslave humanity because they are the superior beings. (think of it like the colonization of south and central America by the Spanish.

It's the moment I've waited for my entire life. The final struggle between humankind and a  more technologically and evolutionarily advanced race. Of course the cowboys win. Who needs plasma blasters, spaceships, or mind control techniques when you've got a six-shooter and your trusty steed?

Craig regains his memory through a magic indian voodoo ritual led by the friendly alien chick. Plausibility for the movie now gone.

Were there explosions? Fetch yeah. Shootouts? of course. This is a western people.Daniel Craig has superhuman strength but Harrison Ford does not.

All in all, I thought it was a good movie. Not a masterpiece, but surely not as low on the scale as a Twilight movie. There was a little too much alien gore in it for my taste, but I guess it went with the rugged cowboy theme. No rules in the wild west, even if you are an alien. You should definitely see it.
Cool cinematography? yeah. Cool aliens? A bit. At least you get to see an army of green gorilla-type extraterrestrials as opposed to in Signs where all you get is a guy in a green morphsuit trying to act like an alien. Good Movie.